Whether you are a carer because you lost one of your parents or your
parent can no longer look after their self. There is a lot of emotions swirling around for you and also for your parent.
Losing a parent is always very difficult and dealing with many emotions was always going to be tough but losing Mum was heartbreaking. Mum was truly the matriarch of the family – which is a nice way of saying she ruled the roost and rule the roost she did! Mum ran the home like clockwork and even as her health deteriorated she still managed the home which is a nice way of saying she told Dad what to do. When she passed away dad was lost, he knew what he needed to do but not when or how?
We made many phone calls to Dad and talked about how to make certain foods, when was the best time to wash the sheets, should he vacuum today and so on. Dad was managing, actually he prided himself in getting things done.
Being a carer wasn’t too hard at all. A few phone calls per week and things were going OK.
Think outside the square and find solutions to ensure your parent is cared for. There are many organisations available to help – keep an eye out for our website (which is currently under construction) for a list of resources.
What to do now?
Each situation is different while still being the same. Our experiences are here to provide suggestions to ease your emotional journey and to help you achieve the best possible outcome for your parent, your family and yourself.
The carer’s role just stepped up a notch or two and there were many conversations amongst my sisters and I ~ to work out what we would do? What could be done? What should be done:
An aged care facility – Oh no we can’t do that! It’s not right, where would it be? How would he cope? Do we move him to Canberra or Adelaide? No! That’s not the answer.
Dad moving in with one of us – this wasn’t going to work either. Two of us lived interstate and the other one lived 20 minutes drive from his favourite places – his friends and the club. OK this wasn’t the answer either – how would it go? My sister’s husband worked at night and slept during the day. How would Dad cope with that? No! That’s not the answer.
Getting care for Dad in his home – this seemed the best option for now anyway. We had a look and it could be done but Dad didn’t want to pay the money.
So what were we going to do… It was around this time that the guilt trips started. Each time I called ~ Dad would say “If you only lived closer, or why don’t you move up here and look after me?” Great just what I needed!
Grief and guilt!
My family were settled in Canberra I wasn’t going to move them, we just have to find another solution.
We went on for a few months and it was going OK ~ then when we least expected it another stage of our caring experience kicked in… or I like to say kicked us in the guts.
Out of the blue we found out that one of Dad’s friends had become his carer (according to Centrelink). Another issue to deal with!
You will come across these issues regularly and you need
to be prepared.
One very important thing you need to realise is that your
parent is going through some very big changes and they
need you now. You have to be strong for them but it is at these
times that you need to learn some new skills to be able to cope
with the challenges you will be facing.
