Caring for the carer – why is it so important?
It is tough being a carer – you have to take care of yourself. I am not just saying this – it is really important.
If you don’t who will look after your loved one and the rest of your family, not to mention the guilt your loved one will feel if you run yourself into the ground looking after them.
I see it all the time and it has happened to me – the carer doesn’t look after themselves and life becomes so difficult and they get sick too – then they also need care.
Even if it is having a day away to spoil yourself. Do it!
Even if it is having coffee with a friend. Do it!
Even if it is dinner with the spouse out each week. Do it!
Even if it is talking to a professional on a regular basis. Do it!
Just do it.
I suggest you talk to a professional on regular basis – being a carer is tough. You need you time.
You are one of the stars of this production and why wouldn’t the star get star treatment.
Treat yourself as a star.
When you care for people you take from your cup to fill their cup – the more people you care for the more drained your cup becomes. You have to find a way to fill you cup so you can fill other’s cups.
Our community is aging and with so many people waiting to have babies until they are older it means that when our parents need care we are still working. It used to be that you had your children in your 20s, today children are being born to parents in their 40s. Actually my father is 37 years older than me and my son is 33 years younger than me.
Previously when aged loved ones needed care their children didn’t have work or raising family responsibilities. It is a whole new dimension now and I see this trend increasing. More responsibilities, more pressure and harder to care for everyone.
For my family initially it wasn’t too hard being a carer – it got more difficult as we faced more challenges including our sister passing away.
To be honest as our caring role changed I was looking after myself. I attended a “Heal Your Life” course and learnt about affirmations and taking care of myself. Understanding everything happens for a reason and I spent a lot time working on myself to get myself through this tough time.
I was ok – truly I was ok.
Yes I cried, yes I was sad but I was ok.
I look back during the first seven to ten months after our sister passed and yes I was looking after myself. I had some off days, some days that it was so very hard but all in all I was ok and life was getting back to normal. Life would never be the same again but it was getting back to normal.
Life went on – My husband, son and family. Then there was work and my “down time”, everything was humming along.
I did notice I changed – I was taking a new outlook on life. I suppose that happens when you lose somebody close. I decided there was more to life and that I had to get on with it. My sister wouldn’t want me to mope about and wallow in self-pity. Life was for living and that’s what I started doing.
I went to courses and attended events that I had always been interested in – I was living life and enjoying myself.
I started saying affirmations every day and I began to feel better – truly I was doing ok.
I spoke often with my sister in Adelaide and we were getting through our grief – all the stages of our grief. It is really important to remember there are stages to the grieving process, these can vary according to different experts. There are either five or seven stages.
What is important to remember is to care for yourself during all the stages. I was lucky to have amazing family and friends to help me through this ordeal. It wasn’t just the loss of our dear sister it was the challenges of being a long distance carer whilst continuing my normal family and work responsibilities.
Everyone is different in their need for care and I’d like to take this opportunity to suggest a few different care activities.
Emotional
Talk to somebody – a grief counsellor, friends or priest. It doesn’t matter who you talk to although I will suggest it might be best if it is somebody that doesn’t know you. It is often easier talking to a stranger. I find that Hairdressers are often the best people to talk to.
Attend courses– there are different courses around for helping your through the grief. I found it really helpful to do workshops on Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I also worked through “The Art of Extreme Self Care” by Cheryl Richardson. These courses made a huge difference in my life and to this day I am still attending workshops. I also attended a Kinesiology Aromatherapy course with Robbi Zech.
Spiritual–each of us have our own spiritual beliefs and I suggest you spend time with your beliefs. I have found such peace and calming from my beliefs. I spend each day being grateful for the many blessings in my life.
Physical – taking care of yourself physically is very important too. I’ve found an amazing gym called Samsara – it is amazing, truly amazing. A place to keep moving that provides a safe, calm and easy place to get healthy. Finding a place where I felt comfortable was important to me. I have gained such strength and clarity from the wonderful staff at Samsara.
Caring for the carer is the most important element of caring for your aged loved one
