There were five in the bed and the little one said….. Or it just might be that too many cooks are spoiling the broth.
Can there be a happy medium when siblings are sharing the caring responsibilities?
This is a very tough question and too be honest I really don’t know the answer but I would like to raise a few things with you and let’s see if we can work out the answer together.
Our experience was pretty good
There were three of us with two long distance caring while our sister, Marilyn, did the lion share of the work. It was quite easy for us as Dad was in an aged care facility. Visits, phone calls and buy the necessities of life. Yes it was quite easy but in saying that it wasn’t always smooth sailing either. At times Dad would pit each of us against each other – not sure why but he was dealing with the changes in his life the best way he knew how. At times I didn’t like the way my sisters did things but things were being done and that was all that mattered. I’ve seen other experience first hand too – friends and relatives caring for their aged loved ones in different situations.
Siblings on the caring journey
One sibling living with their parent and caring for them all the time with the other siblings living interstate. This can be very draining for the sibling not to mention that their life is put on hold while they provide the care that is needed. Sometimes when the interstate siblings think they are helping they are actually creating a few new challenges.
Or you have a couple of adult siblings returned to the family home to care for the aged loved one. This is the most difficult situation of all. Adults living together, wanting to do things their way but everyone doing things differently. I’ve seen this several times and it is very hard on everyone especially the aged loved one. They don’t want to see that their care is causing relationship problems in their children’s relationships.
The biggest thing to remember is that we are all adults living our lives differently – we do things differently and we need to understand our siblings are doing the best they can. It isn’t easy to give up your life to care for your aged loved one. It isn’t easy for the aged loved one either.
Things have changed plus there are lots of emotions and throw in a healthy dash of guilt and it is a recipe for disaster.
Making it work
What’s the solution I hear you ask…. Is Five too many to have in the bed?
Well don’t be like the little one and get everyone to roll over, because some of you may just fall away and that isn’t good for anyone.
It is tough, there are time decisions to make and each situation will be different. Open and honest communication spoken with love before the situation gets out of hand is very important. There are so many emotions swirling around and don’t forget your aged loved one has a say too.
Everyone is trying to do the right thing but in the end everyone is hurting.
Take a step back and look at the situation is it good for everyone, is everyone being treated respectfully and cared for. I don’t just mean your aged love done I mean everyone – sometimes the main carer gets forgotten in this situation. They give and give until resentment starts to build and then it is a slippery slope to “someone falling out of bed”. Whether it is sibling relationships that suffer or health or financial situation. The interstate sibling breezes in and tries to change things because they are feeling guilty but the carer just sees it as interfering…… yes this situation is fraught with danger. Please be compassionate and understanding. Caring for an aged loved one is very difficult.
Maybe you need to look at a different solution, thinking outside the box to find the right solution for everyone.
Maybe it is getting outside help to get the right care – an aged care facility might be the answer or an in home care service so the strain is taken off everyone so you can look back at this caring time with fondness and not resentment.
Five in the bed may not be too many if you all have your own jobs to do!
What works for others may not work for your family so look at all the options available.
Remember it doesn’t have to be perfect to be perfect for you.
